Mayci Neeley knows a thing or two about what it takes to make good TV. Now, she’s parlaying that expertise into her debut memoir.

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star is the sole star in Told You So, her debut memoir which was released on Tuesday. In the book, Neeley opens up about getting pregnant while playing collegiate tennis at BYU, and her son’s father’s tragic death from a car accident that occurred before their child was born.

Neeley has spoken about these topics on her hit Hulu reality seres, but Told You So shares her firsthand recount of navigating the shame she felt getting pregnant at such a young age as a member of the Mormon Church. Her story also tackles an abusive relationship she went through before meeting her son’s father. 

Below, Neeley reveals to The Hollywood Reporter what she hopes readers take away from her opening up about these tragic experiences, why she knew #MomTok could generate a hit reality show and how she’s prepping for Mormon Wives season three’s debut roughly a month away.

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You’ve opened up about your story on The Secret Lives of Mormon wives, but Told You So goes much deeper. Was it hard putting pen to paper on some of those experiences?

Yes, but at the same time, I did start out in social media by [writing on a] blog, so that helped forge this book. It was still very difficult. You’re kind of reliving your trauma, especially writing about losing Arik [my son’s father], which was really hard for me. When you write a book, you read it over and over to make sure it’s right, and there wasn’t a time I read it over where I didn’t cry. It was very challenging to relive, but [at] the same time it feels good. I didn’t get to express as much of what I was feeling on the show; a lot of my story was cut. I did film a lot more, so I’m really excited people will get to hear more of the story. My abuse story wasn’t in the show either, and I write about how that shaped me into the person I am. I feel like my trauma did shape me into who I am now, for the better. 

You write that you hadn’t even told members of your family some of the details of your abuse. Why was it important to be candid and open about these experiences in this book? 

As I’ve gotten older, I just don’t care what people think of me or the judgment that will come from it, even from family. I feel like my story is something that can help other people, and giving more detail will help people in those situations to maybe overcome them; maybe they will get out of an abusive relationship because they’re seeing the little signs that I wrote about or those big, typical red flags. Like, oh, someone’s hitting you, obviously, [get out of] the relationship. But they don’t see the little manipulation that happens in the beginning, and the small red flags.

It’s important to share all the details so I can help other women. I felt so alone going through it myself; that was the hardest part. I didn’t have anyone to relate to, and this was back in the time of the curated Instagram feeds where everyone was only showing the perfect parts of their lives. So I was like, I need to show what really is going on, and that’s why I wrote the blog. And the book is even more in depth; it’s showing the little things and also fun stuff you didn’t really know, like the party scene at BYU, not everyone knows about that. And the dynamics of how tennis was so ingrained into my life; that’s just not really shown anywhere on the show or even on my profile. A lot of people don’t even know I was an athlete, and that was kind of my identity growing up. It was a big part of who I am, and shaped me into who I am now.

You write a lot about this shame you felt during those moments in your life. On Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, you always talk about how MomTok is challenging outdated norms set by the Mormon Church. Given this conversation that has sparked because of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, do you think if these topics would have been talked about during that point of your life that you would have still felt that shame [about getting pregnant young]?

I don’t think I would have, and I think it’s because it wasn’t really talked about a lot. It was like: these are the guidelines, you follow these guidelines, and it’s almost embarrassing to an extent. As I’ve gotten older, I’m like, “No, it’s not embarrassing. Who cares what people think?” Who cares that you got pregnant? Like, yeah, it wasn’t great, but who’s anyone to judge? It took me a little bit to get through that.

I went to church my whole pregnancy, just pregnant. That was also hard, because it’s like you’re wearing your sins under your dress. The culture in the Mormon Church can be pretty judgmental. There’s a lot of amazing things about the church that I love, and I am active in the church still, but there are a lot of things with the culture that are very difficult. You see that on the show, but you can feel it in the book when I’m feeling the guilt and the shame, and I call myself a “slut,” because that’s how I felt at that time. But, looking back, I’m like, You poor thing. That’s not true, you were not a slut. You don’t need to call yourself that. I think it took until now, in the last four years, for me to realize and understand that. I never want people to feel that way. I want them to be able to relate, but I hope they know to not think that of yourself. And I think people, even who aren’t Mormon, will feel that in any religious setting.

When was the first moment you really believed this dream of writing a book was actually going to come to fruition?

I think it was when I got a book agent. It was after the show came out, I got my manager [and] a book agent who knew who I was in the show. She’s like, “I loved her on the show.” And [they were] like, “She has an amazing story, but it was cut from season one, so no one saw it.” And within a month of meeting with her, I had a book deal. It was so crazy, because I knew I was always gonna do it, I just [didn’t] know exactly when and then it all happened so fast. It was like a fever dream. Even now, it doesn’t feel real. I can’t believe I have this book coming out, and even doing the audio book for it and reading it, I’m like, Oh shit. Like, I’m really telling everyone all of this stuff. Like, damn it. Maybe I should have kept some stuff in the drafts (Laughs).

After writing and also filming the show while opening up about your story, which forum did you find easier to open up on?

I feel like it’s easier to write, just because no one was watching me. When I’m emotional, I like to be alone and process by myself. I get embarrassed [by] people seeing me vulnerable. And I’m a person who will get very vulnerable, but it is not easy. Even on the show, when I feel like I’m going to cry or like something’s very vulnerable, I start getting anxiety. So opening up about it on the show was really challenging. I don’t like to cry in front of people, and I knew I was going to because even though it’s been years, it feels like yesterday when you’re living through it. I still have trauma that I probably need therapy for (Laughs). But on the show, going to [Arik’s] crash site was so hard for me to do, because I’ve never been here. And knowing I’ve never been there, going to this place where my son’s father died, was so challenging and so emotional, and then also doing the interview portion for it was so hard. So writing it was very challenging and difficult, but it was easier to do that alone than to be in front of a camera talking about trauma.

You write about the very early days of MomTok and finding a support system with these women. Looking back now at everything that has come from Secret Lives and Mormon Wives, did you ever think that filming with a few of your fellow mom influencers would turn into what it has today?

Not at all. When we got the show, I was like, “Wait, this is, like, embarrassing. People are [going to be like] this was the biggest flop ever.” I think all of us are shocked at how successful it’s been. Because we’re just living our life, and now we just have cameras following us, and it’s so intriguing to people. Part of me is like, why? Why is it intriguing to you? I’m not someone who actually watches a lot of reality TV, which is funny because I’m on reality TV show. I never grew up watching a lot of reality besides Bachelor, and I’ve seen some dating shows. So to this day, I’m still shocked at the success. It’s so fun doing it with your friends, having co-workers who are in the same career as you who you get to hang out with [for work]. I almost feel guilty sometimes going on girls trips for the show and saying, “I’m working, sweetie.” Like, buh-bye, this is work. It is so fun to be able to do this with people you genuinely enjoy being around for the most part. I wouldn’t say everybody at times, but that’s another story (Laughs). 

[Writer’s note: This interview was conducted before Taylor Frankie Paul was named the next Bachelorette.] 

You write about a moment where you thought MomTok should have a reality show. What is it about this group of friends that makes the show such a success? 

We’re really real. We share everything. We talk about things people are normally not wanting to share. We’re pretty unhinged, and and we forget the cameras are there most of the time. I think that’s what makes it fun — we all just don’t really care. That’s why it’s more relatable, because we’re just in motherhood, navigating that and friendships. I think that’s why it’s successful. It’s also the Mormon element of curiosity like, “Wait, you drink 44 ounces of soda a day, but you don’t have a coffee?” Most of us actually do drink coffee, but we do drink a lot of soda. That’s also hose little culture things, and kind of the Utah culture in general.

When I was first in MomTok and seeing a little bit of drama going down, but also the fact that we’re all moms, and all these women are, like, so freaking hot as moms, I’m like, What the hell? But I think that’s why I told my manager this could be a show. Like, “Oh [you] can’t invite this person because this person was sweating with my husband.” It was already going on before the show, even before the swinging scandal came out. I’m on the backsides looking in, because I’m not someone who likes to involve themselves in drama. Oeople try to say, “She’s the instigator. She sits back and watches it happen.” Not at all, actually. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to instigate anything. I just observe because again, reading the book, I’ve been through so much trauma in my life that this little he-said, she-said drama doesn’t matter to me. I don’t feel like I have to involve myself, but then I sometimes get in trouble and get called a fence rider.

You write about how you wish you could tell your younger self that everything was going to work out. Looking back, what piece of advice would you offer when you were going through those rough times?

To trust that it’s going to get better, and that I can do whatever I set my mind to. There is no limit, there is no ceiling. Even though society may tell you otherwise, like, “Once you’re mom, you may not be as successful or have a career.” But my career began when I became a mom. So I feel like it’s knowing you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, and that there are no limits and life will get better. You just gotta believe it.

What do you hope is the main takeaway from the book for readers?

I hope they leave inspired, feeling like, “I can do this, I can accomplish whatever I want to do, there are no limits for me.” Just because I have maybe these circumstances that aren’t ideal doesn’t mean I can’t be a singer or an actor, or whatever I want to do with my career. [Also] just feeling like they can relate and not feel alone is my biggest hope. I hope they’re entertained, too.

Looking back roughly a year from that time when season one of Mormon Wives came out, what do you think is the biggest shift in your day to day life and your career?

More success. Bigger brand deals; my business has done even better so newer opportunities; all of us are getting crazy opportunities from [the show]. I think back to all the moments [when] the show first came out. One of my biggest things pinch-me moments was when I went to New York for press, right after the show came out. We had these nice hotel rooms at a five-star hotel. I’m like, “Holy crap,” I did come from privilege, but my parents were always pretty frugal, so, I’m not used to this luxury lifestyle. I just like a little kid, living a dream. Especially, being a mom; you can still do things like mine later in life. I was looking out at my window at the lights, and flying on the airplane… it almost felt like a dream. It’s so crazy to think back to where I was in 2014 and 2015 to now. I am just so incredibly grateful for everything and all the opportunities and choices I made to get to where I am today.

Mormon Wives was just nominated for its first Emmy. What was your reaction when you found out?

It was really crazy and surreal. I knew we had potential to be nominated, and I don’t know why but in my my heart [and] my head, I [was] like, We’re gonna get nominated. I could just feel it.. I also put it on my vision board, so part of me is, like, It’s on the vision board, like, of course it’s gonna happen. [It’s] still so crazy, especially because the show just came out. Again, the success of it is just wild to me. It’s mind boggling. If you ask any of the girls, they would probably say the same thing. We all are still shocked at the success and the Emmy nomination this early in a show.

The show is only getting bigger and bigger season by season. How are you preparing for season three that’s about to come out? 

I’m excited to see it. I’m a little nervous, because I feel like every season that comes out I literally am kind of more chill. But even then, just being involved in so much heavy stuff and drama and also exciting stuff, it’s still nerve wracking every time it comes out. I also don’t know how people are going to perceive certain things. Are they going to understand the humor I use? Because I do have a dark humor; you see that in the book. You just never know how things people are going to take things. I have thick skin, so [it] doesn’t really bug me. But I’m also gearing up with my businesses to make sure everything is running smoothly when the show comes out, because that you always see an uptick and falling in our businesses. We’re all just really excited for the world to see what’s been going on. It’s crazy. That’s all I can say.

It’s quite a busy time to be Mayci Neeley. What is next for you?

Well, obviously, [with] the book coming out, I think the possibilities are endless. I hope I have more opportunities to do things I love. Hopefully another book, maybe another kid in a couple years. I mean, we are our Mormon. We pop them out like candy. We have one more embryo, too. We can’t leave a soldier behind. (Laughs.) But as far as career goes, I’m still working on what I really want to do from here. I love being on the show, but I do have more interests I want to pursue. I’m figuring out what those are right now. I also want to expand my businesses like Baby Mama. I was just doing Sinners Sunday and doing some confessions, and I love that. Maybe a podcast in the future, because I love talking to people; I love juicy confessions. I’m just navigating what I want to do with my life, other than the show and the book. I’m kind of figuring it out. 

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Told You So released Tuesday. Season three of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives  premieres Nov. 13 on Hulu.