[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for Countdown Season 1 Episode 6 “A Needle or a Bullet.”]

“From the very beginning, Oliveras has sensed a kindred spirit in Meachum,” Jessica Camacho says to explain why her character opens up to Jensen Ackles‘ in the Wednesday, July 16, episode of Countdown.

It’s Oliveras’ attempt to get Meachum to open up to her about what’s going on with him; she’s noticing that he’s squinting his left eye more than his right and taking 20 minutes to walk down stairs (he collapsed). It seems like junkie behavior to her. She then shares her own history with drugs: She was undercover for eight months and had no choice but to use or be killed. She then continued to do so while under, and when she came in, she got clean, and her boss covered for her. She hasn’t used since, but she has thought about it, she admits, and she wonders if that will ever go away. Meachum is the first person she’s told that to. Rather than reveal his brain tumor, however, he tells her he’s dealing with migraines and insists he’s not on anything.

“There’s something that automatically they both recognize within one another, this kind of shared understanding of what it takes to live the lives that they do, to put themselves in the direct line of danger the way that they do, and how also they are willing to give all of themselves, essentially sacrifice every other part of themselves because they believe so deeply that what they do makes a difference, that they’re fighting on the right side of the battle line, so to speak,” Camacho explains.

While they got off to a rocky start, the respect for and curiosity about one another continues to grow. According to Camacho, there’s also “a sense of being safe to share those kind of darker parts of themselves because they kind of understand one another in this very unique, rare way that they can’t share these parts of themselves with other people, their family, their friends, whatever their normal life is. It’s like there’s safety in, ‘You won’t judge me because you know that when it’s do or die, you have to do what you have to do to survive.’” Because of that, Oliveras feels like she can share that secret with Meachum.

Being on the task force — after being so used to working as a solo operator with the DEA — is also showing her that she can rely on others. “They actually show up, and they’re willing to commit as much as you are,” says Camacho.

“These are people who understand why I am the way that I am, why I am willing to sacrifice. And yeah, I think it allows her to kind of come out of her shell a little bit more. It’s not shyness, it’s just this kind of guarded protectiveness. And so I think as she kind of gets to know these people a little more, she feels the ability to show more of herself. I think that’s a really beautiful thing that happens within certainly a situation like this, partnership, is the safety to be a little more of who you are,” she continues. “And we get to see her kind of slowly learning how to do that, which is what I love about her. Everything with her is earned. Her trust is earned. Her respect is earned. Her commitment, her steadfastness, her loyalty is earned. And we get to see her kind of tiptoeing in that discomfort of slowly sharing more of herself. It’s so fun to play that kind of hesitance.”

Though Oliveras seems unsure if she should believe Meachum, she does ask if he’s talked to a doctor. He says he keeps asking for stronger meds, but the doctor won’t give them to him unless he reports it to his boss and he doesn’t want to be put on desk duty. The mission is too important, especially after Drew’s death, so he’s dealing with it. Later, however, she gives him prescription pills to help and tells him to get his head better since he’d been acting like he had a death wish while chasing a suspect and she needs him.

“She, at that point, needs to believe that he’s going to tell her the truth. It’s like, ‘I need you to level with me.’ And so when he says that he does, she takes him at his word, and ultimately, she sees this person who she’s come to feel close to in these ways that she’s still exploring, that she doesn’t quite know how to navigate. She sees him in pain, and she’s not going to stand for that,” Camacho says.

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