Kim: The 50 Cent shoutout is KILLING ME!!!! Two icons honestly.

O’Connor: Oh, I guess this is about an old fling from high school? She mentions Abigail, second period, and a corsage.

Kim: Interesting, I was sure this would be about an alleged ex friend from the song title. But as ever, Taylor Swift supersedes our expectations.

O’Connor: This song just took a turn I was not prepared for: “Abigail called me with the bad news” and “But I whispered at the grave, ‘Should’ve kissed you anyway.’” Well, that’s sad!

Kim: As Florence knows, my childhood friend told me he liked me this summer, and now Taylor Swift is giving me advice to ruin the friendship rather than regret it for all time? (He doesn’t subscribe to Vogue so the chances of him reading this are slim!!!)

O’Connor: Wow, Irene is being real out here. (Maybe too real??) We really risk it all for a good story here. Thank God for the paywall, am I right?!

Kim: Yay, paywall!

O’Connor: At least Irene is in good company, because Taylor is being REAL in this song. Sorry, Charli XCX, team Taylor always.

Kim: Omg, this song. The lyrics. I am SCREAMING at how savage Taylor is being. “Boring Barbie” is really funny. I can’t lie.

O’Connor: Truly, step aside, Kim K, Taylor has a new villain. Irene, should we write a diss track? Wouldn’t you all love to know who the subject would be!

Kim: Florence and I could easily bang out a diss track if Vogue locked us in a conference room for an hour. We might need to borrow Taylor’s band, though.

Kim: How does Taylor Swift make her diss tracks sound sweet? If you weren’t paying attention to the lyrics you would mistake it for a non-diss track.