Granger Smith came close to attempting suicide to “end the pain” of 3-year-old son River’s 2019 death.
The country singer’s wife, Amber Smith, details Granger’s “dark night of the soul” in her forthcoming memoir, “The Girl on the Bathroom Floor”.
Per an excerpt obtained by People, Amber wrote that her “sweet, incredible husband … put a cold Glock 9mm into his mouth.”
The 43-year-old cried while typing the story, telling readers, “It breaks my heart that he felt like this was the only way out. I wish I had known.
“I wish I could have grabbed him, shaken him, and said, ‘You’re a good father! I love you! We’ve got this! This isn’t the way!’” she continued.
Granger, 46, did not tell his partner about his suicidal moment for three years.
Ahead of his attempt, the songwriter was partying with friends after a show and drank “more than he had since River” died in a tragic drowning.
“Fearing that this would cause all the emotions and pain to come flooding back, he quickly grabbed for the weed pen and took a hit, hoping it would bring him out of his drunken state a bit,” Amber wrote. “But nothing changed.”
She explained that “the slideshow kicked on,” referencing “visions of River facedown in the pool.”
Amber wrote, “Lies pierced his conscience that he was a failure as a father, that he had let River down. In a moment of utter despair, he fumbled for the gun he kept in the drawer by his bed for safety on the road.”
After “crying out to God,” Granger’s “visions suddenly stopped, the gun slipped out of his hand and he collapsed to the floor, falling asleep in a puddle of his own tears, fully clothed on the bathroom floor of his bus.”
Granger subsequently texted Amber about having an “awful night” and coming “face-to-face with Satan,” but didn’t reveal he had been “so close to pulling the trigger.”
Granger and Amber were also the parents of daughter London, now 13, and son Lincoln, now 11, when River passed away in June 2019.
The couple underwent IVF the following years and welcomed son Maverick, now 4, in August 2021.
Amber’s memoir, “The Girl on the Bathroom Floor,” hits bookshelves Oct. 14.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.