Even though Sarah Silverman was only on Saturday Night Live for one season, she still remembers how the show’s “energy” could make her “feel like a piece of shit.”

During the early start of her career, the two-time Emmy Award winner joined the sketch-comedy show as a cast member in 1993. However, after just one season, Silverman was fired, and she recently reflected on her time with SNL being “so magical” and “amazing,” despite the “anxiety” that comes with being apart of the cast. 

“[SNL], it’s so magical, it’s so amazing, but there is just something about it where they just have this energy that puts you in your place where you feel like a piece of shit and terrified [with] the anxiety,” she said during an appearance on the Howard Stern Show. “It’s very hard to be zen and chill there.” 

After the Wreck-It Ralph star was fired from the show, Silverman remembered being “totally thrown for a loop” and being in “such like denial about it.” However, the comedian said that “the best thing for” post-SNL was appearing on Late Night With Conan O’Brien during his first year hosting the series. 

“His first year [hosting Late Night] was my first and only year at SNL, and he put me on all the time even after I was fired,” she said. “And that was the start for me, and I wouldn’t have been able to be on Conan without SNL.” 

“[SNL] was an incredible kind of boot camp experience,” she added. Earlier in her chat with Stern, the host asked if Lorne Michaels was the one to fire her, to which she responded, “I guess, yeah.” 

“I got a call from my agents and managers, like you know when they call you together it’s either great news or terrible news,” Silverman said. “I was so new to the industry, and they were like ‘Yeah, you’re fired,’ and I was in such denial about it — I couldn’t believe it.”