In a not-too-dissimilar narrative attached to child-free women, there is very little space given to the possibility that a woman could be happy without a partner. And if we are single, we’re supposed to be always on the hunt, prowling like predatory felines sniffing out our next target. Otherwise, history tells us we’re to be cast aside in a collective occupied by crazy cat ladies, Miss Havishams, and witches. This archaic messaging is tacitly reinforced everywhere you look, whether it’s in advertisements for couples’ getaways, cult romantic comedies, or in the eyes of the hotel clerk who looks at you pitifully when you respond that yes, you only need one room key (this happened to me on a solo trip to Lisbon last week). Even Bridget Jones couldn’t be left in a state of singlehood after the death of Mark Darcy; in the latest installment of Helen Fielding’s franchise, Mad About the Boy, she winds up shagging her kids’ teacher.
These damaging messages about single women were also perpetuated by Sex and the City. Barring Samantha, who regularly espoused the joys of choosing herself over a man, the existence of these characters was often predicated on their capacity to find boyfriends. Sure, Charlotte did suggest they could be each other’s soulmates. But that was never actually enough for any of them. If it had been, would the series have ended with most of them happily coupled up? And let’s not forget that—as Miranda famously points out in an OG SATC episode—so much of their bond was rooted in conversations about men.
As for Carrie, she never stopped craving male companionship and, let’s be honest, male validation. It’s an admission she confronts in the finale, telling Charlotte that after Big died, the thought of Aidan lingered in the back of her mind. Then it was Duncan. And now? “I have to quit thinking, ‘maybe a man…’ and start accepting maybe just me,” she says. “And it’s not a tragedy, it’s a fact. And I have to start accepting it, full-stop.”
The irony is that Carrie’s life is objectively incredible. She has a successful career. Decades-long friendships with kind, funny, and remarkably patient women. And let’s not forget that Gramercy Park mansion. She even has a cat! That’s a lot of love, safety, and joy to be surrounded by. And all of it exists without any of the anxieties that come from relentlessly pursuing relationships with men.